Tuesday, January 3, 2012

Cleanse Thyself

Whilst enjoying the tail end of the holiday seasoning by shoving Michael Symon's chili-cheese fries in my mouth as quickly as I possibly could I coerced my buddy into going to Trader Joe's after our cotton-top early dinner. I've never been and their devotees are akin to Juggalos in both style and loyalty so I thought we should probably check out the hype.

However, despite being finished with dinner by 6:30 Trader Joe's was closed, it was, in it's defense, New Year's Eve, but I was not happy, and as a result will never, ever give them my business. (probably not true) Blessedly we were in an affluent suburb and there was a Whole Foods 3 blocks away, which was still open!!!

As we stood in line waiting to buy chicken and Jeni's Splendid ice cream (if your WF doesn't carry it you need to lobby to have it added to the shelves IMMEDIATELY) I got sucked into a Martha publication called Whole Living. I'm trying to gradually move myself to being a better human being, which includes taking care of my body and stuff. Living wholly, wholly living. Hippie crap.

On our couch hours later, basking in the diabetic coma brought on by my meat covered fries and multiple trips to BSpot's pickle bar I began to read my new mag. About midway through is the outline for a 21 day cleanse, which I obviously need and want to do.

This isn't a starve yourself and drink only honey and cucumber water for 5 days jobbie. This is a roast some beets and juice some carrots and julliene a sweet potato to toss with tahini dressing outfit. It's hard work getting prepped and it is a lot of things I don't eat. Things I think most people don't eat. I mean, let's be serious here, who actually eats beets? Great-Aunt Nevis doesn't count.

Anyway, I'm one smoothie (mango and coconut water- thumbs down) and one soup (butternut squash and apple- two thumbs up) into this thing and I'm super amped about it. I'm hungry, to be sure, but that's my fault because I didn't print any of the snack recipes off, but excited to excise my body of all of the delightfully tasty but horrifically terrible things I have shoved down my gullet. Do you know how they make foie gras these days? They take a beer bong and fill it full of grain and shove it down a goose's neck and force feed it until it dies with a basketball sized liver. I tell you this for two reasons:
1) you should not eat foie gras, it's mean
2) that's how full and gross and terrible I am right now

This cleanse is vital. It needs to happen. I am hopeful that I will make it, I've already told my buddy to not try to distract me, and that I'll come out the other end feeling like a 101 million dollars.

Tonight I get to roast some broccoli and toss it with some lettuce, red cabbage and tahini dressing. That sounds nice right? I might have to put a portobella (portabella, I can't find a definitive spelling on the googs) in it too. I'm pretty hungles right now.

So, here's to a new year, it's going to be a big one for me, going to start it off right.

if you want to play along too go here: