Saturday, April 17, 2010


I'm so not even close to having a baby, despite that Edgar Allen Poe perpetually swinging pendulum-like biological clock that tick-tocks away, and every single day that i don't use them my eggs degrade. Every single day I move one infinitesimally small step away from the perfect baby every mother hopes for. It is that fear that creeps into my head in the small of the night, or the still of the day. Unexpected, unbidden and unwanted... i don't want to be that girl that fears this. I am bigger than this, I am more than this. I need this to not be a part of my life. The fear/worry or the possible reality of this, not for me or anyone.
I hate being Debbie-Downer (no pun intended), I never intended this forum to be a soapbox for my self-indulgent twattle that centers around my self pity. But here it is nonetheless.


  1. Don't worry... you have plenty of time! The medical community likes to label those who are pregnant at 35 & later as "advanced maternal age" but don't let that stress you! They like to have something to get worked up about when really you are not really at much increased risk. More & more women are getting pregnant later & are not having any issues.

  2. i needed you at dinner sunday night when my dad looked at me like i was crazy/stupid for wanting to have a baby not in a hospital, and my future baby daddy said, "can you live with the guilt if your baby dies on the way to the hospital?"
    i didn't even know where to begin

  3. Ah... I never had to deal with any of that mess. Thankful about that! But I would have said, "& who deals with the guilt when the babies die in the hospital? Which by the way, happens more than at home or in the car on the way!" We have one of the highest rates of infant & maternal deaths of all the industrialized countries & the majority of births take place in a hospital. What does that tell you? :) We also have a crazy high c-section rate which shows that drs are sectioning for unnecessary reasons. Whenever you want more info to give them & if they're interested in researching it rather than basing their opinions on fear, lmk & I'll get you some. Also, see if you can get your future baby daddy to watch the business of being born. That sealed the decision w/ my hubby & it might work on him. It's a good documentary.